The fastest way to recalibrate from the annoying little Oompa Loompas of modern daily life is to turn on, tune in, and drop out… in the forest.

If you don’t have a forest available immediately, this 8.5-minute Ersatz clip helps you recalibrate from the family members who try to tell you what to do and what not to do. From the self-made scientists who reference google talking points about what’s good for you, and what’s not.

From the work colleagues who try to steal all the credit, the Besserwissers who can’t leave you in peace, the neighbors who use leaf blowers on their crew-cut lawns, the shop clerks who still wear masks and look askance at you – and all the other disturbed souls you have to deal with daily.

Pick the 4K resolution, put your headphones on, inhale through your nose, fill your lungs in four seconds, pause, then let it all out slowly through your mouth, exhaling for at least eight seconds while your focus remains on the shifting patterns of nature.

The indeterministic probability of the seemingly chaotic quells the non-essential.

Dosage: Once a week. In case of a particularly nasty rap, twice a week. Apocalyptic mess: once a day.